My Story

I grew up blessed — in a loving, God-honoring home, protected, supported, and surrounded by faith. For most of my life, I didn’t walk through tragedy or anything life-altering. I used to feel like that meant I didn’t have a “real testimony.” I hadn’t been rescued from anything like addiction or a near-death experience. I was simply a girl who’d grown up in church and loved Jesus for as long as she could remember. In my mind, there was nothing about my life that was special or impactful.

But that belief was a lie. My parents both came from difficult pasts, and the childhood my sister and I experienced was the direct result of God’s redemption in their lives.

What the Lord does in your life and how He works through you when you’re obedient to Him doesn’t just affect you, but also those around you, your future children, your family, and generations to come.

That alone is a testimony of His goodness — how His work in one generation blesses the next.

And even the “small things” matter to God. What hurts us, big or small, matters to Him, because we matter to Him (1 Peter 5:7). NEVER negate or look down on your testimony!

But eventually, I did walk through something deeply painful — something that taught me more about God’s faithfulness than anything else ever had.

At the beginning of this year, I found myself in a long-term relationship that wasn’t centered in the Lord. Nothing about the relationship was abusive or dramatic — we cared deeply for each other. But I was trying to shape things on my own terms instead of God’s. I tried to change my boyfriend into who I thought he should be, and that only hurt both of us. He didn’t deserve that kind of pressure, and it wasn’t fair for me to expect him to be someone he didn’t want to be.

Girls, please understand this – YOU cannot change anyone, NOR is it your job to.

And as long as you scratch and claw and fight to, you will hurt yourself, and the other person, in the process.

For years, I ignored the Lord’s voice. I wanted what I wanted, and I held onto the relationship long after God had made it clear it wasn’t His plan for me.

Hear me when I say this – when we disobey the voice of the Lord telling us to do something, we not only cause damage to ourselves and our relationship with the Lord, but we also cause damage to other people.

Our actions ripple out beyond ourselves (James 4:17, Romans 14:13-19, James 1:14-15).

I let my desire for marriage become an idol, and I put that relationship above the Lord.

If the Lord is not number one in our lives, then our priorities are out of order, and our lives will suffer for it.

(Romans 1:23-32, Romans 2:8, Colossians 3:1-5, Matthew 6:33, Matthew 10:38-39)

Eventually, all of this led to double-mindedness, confusion, and a loss of peace.

By the time the Lord had started really working on my heart, and his, and we finally yielded, we had become so close, which made it so much harder for us to do what needed to be done.

The longer we stay where God doesn’t want us to be, the harder it is going to be for us to get out of that place.

Eventually, by God’s grace, the relationship ended — and he was the one who initiated it, something I had once prayed for because I didn’t feel strong enough to.

God heard me even in my weakness.

(2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Even after obeying God and ending the relationship, I walked through months of anxiety, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, and deep emotional pain. I found myself sleeping on the bathroom floor, crying behind my office door, and physically trembling night after night, dreading the sunset, because I knew I'd have to face another sleepless night. I couldn’t understand why I was hurting so badly when I had done what God asked. But looking back, I can see five reasons the struggle was so hard and lasted as long as it did.

1. I was experiencing real heartbreak. Even if he wasn’t God’s plan for me, we had shared years of love and connection, so losing that naturally hurt. Heartbreak is painful, heavy, and disorienting — but it is something God cares about.If you're experiencing heartbreak right now, let me encourage you – this is not the end of your story. God has so much more for you. (Philippians 1:6, Romans 8:28) Keep praying, keep seeking Him, keep reading your Bible, keep going to church, surround yourself with Christian community (Galatians 6:9). And cry when you need to cry, get angry (just be careful not to sin in your anger (Ephesians 4:26)), have a break down, scream into a pillow – it’s okay. He understands our emotions, invites us to bring them to Him, and heals us as we surrender our pain to Him. (Hebrews 4:15, Matthew 26:36-40, Matthew 26:47-50, Luke 22:54-62)

   
   

   

   
   

2. I was feeling the consequences of years of disobedience. I had ignored God’s voice and lived double-mindedly, wanting God but also clinging to a life outside His will. During that time, I had a false sense of peace — the enemy often keeps us comfortable in the places God wants to free us from so we stay there and never walk in the fullness of life God has for us. (1 Peter 5:8-9)

   
   

   

   Once the relationship ended, I felt the weight of my choices, the weight of making the relationship an idol in my life. When we prioritize our own desires over the Lord’s will or idolize our want for things or people over our want for God, it opens the door wide for anxiety to come in and steal our peace. (Luke 14:11) But God, in His grace, helps us walk through the consequences and welcomes us back with love (Isaiah 41:13, Nehemiah 9:17, Luke 15:11-32, 1 John 1:9).
   

3. Healing was slow because I hadn’t fully let go. Even after the breakup, I held onto false hope and kept tying my peace to his actions. I wasn’t fully surrendering my desires to God or trusting His better plan. I was putting my hope in the wrong place. When we place our hope in anyone or anything other than the Lord, we end up disappointed. (Proverbs 13:12, Isaiah 40:31, Psalm 33:20-22, Romans 12:12) His plan for our lives is so much better than we could ever dream or imagine, and He is writing the most beautiful story for us. Even God’s “no” is always rooted in love, and He asks us to trust that He is working for our good — even before we can see it (Romans 8:28, Proverbs 3:5-6).

   
   

4. Obedience to God is not always easy. Sometimes God asks us to sacrifice things to live the life He intended for us. We must take up our cross and follow Him daily (Matthew 16:24, Matthew 10:38-39). It's not always easy, but if it was, would our faith really ever grow? If there was no reason to have to trust in Him or rely on Him, would we really know the fullness of His faithfulness? Our fulfillment must be in Him alone, not anything or anyone else, and we must love Him enough to obey Him, even when it costs us — a life of full surrender (Romans 12:1-2).

   
   

   Everything the Lord removes from your life in your obedience to Him, He will replace with something much better (Job 42:12, Mark 10:29-30). Let Him make room in you and your life for the blessing and abundance He wants to give you.
   

5. Healing simply takes time. God uses the healing process to grow, refine, and prune us. Just like a seed develops roots long before it breaks through the ground, God works beneath the surface in our hearts. As we stay rooted in His Word, serve, worship, and let Him shape us, we eventually begin to bloom — all for His glory.

You may not see it yet, but the Lord is working for your good (Romans 8:28). Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1). Reality is not always what we see, it is what the Word of God says (Isaiah 55:8-9, John 17:17). Do not fear. The One Who holds the universe in His hands also holds your future in His hands (Joshua 1:9, Jeremiah 29:11-13)

He has not forgotten you.

He sees every tear; He hears every prayer. He is listening, and He is working for your good.

Be patient, trust in Him, and wait on the Lord (Psalm 37:7, Psalm 27:14, Lamentations 3:25, Psalm 46:10). Keep standing on His promises, keep believing, keep praising, keep worshiping. He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6, Galatians 6:9). Serve Him and others in the waiting. Do what you already know to do when you’re waiting on Him to show you more specifically what to do (Matthew 28:19-20, Matthew 22:36-40) and watch Him prove Himself faithful time and time again (Deuteronomy 7:9, 2 Thessalonians 3:3, Psalm 55:22).